Like some of you reading this, I’ve been through a lot in my life. I wouldn’t change any of it now, but at the time, I felt like I wanted to die. I thank God for the Holy Spirit bringing my heart & mind into alignment with God’s purpose for me. He gave me beauty in exchange for my ashes, and I was healed from the pain of my past.
Fast forward… after my proclaimed healing, I had bouts of mental relapse in which I could see myself going back to the very chains that had once bound me. I discovered that my issue was never what I thought it was. I kept revisiting my pain because it’s what I knew. It gave me a reason to keep thinking and feeling the way I did. It helped me justify my actions and thoughts and I could keep blaming my pain on my offenders. It was familiar. And it was fatal to my spirit and my mind.
I wouldn’t consider myself a fool, but I have surely done some foolish things. The most foolish perhaps would be to dwell in a parched land, when God had already lead me into prosperity. I have cried out to the Lord, and he surely heard me. I have felt His spirit all around me- comforting, loving me and instructing me. I have laid prostrate before Him until I felt the burden of my sins and grief lifted. I have even repented for asking the Lord to remove my shackles, but continuing to remain in the cage of my captor. All of that, and yet I’ve still been foolish to think that my pain was my friend. Multiple times and often, I’ve been imprisoned by past hurts- the same past hurts. I would kick those familiar hurts out, only to open the door again and invite them back in to have a seat at the table of my life. A welcomed guest perhaps, the familiar spirit knew right when to show up and I’d have a plate of joy ready for it to consume.
Why do we rejoice and praise God for healing the dark places, the hidden hurts, maybe even the public displays of rebelliousness and the places only He can touch and then go back to it like a dog and his vomit? Why are we fools and return to our foolishness, though it is poison to our souls? Because, like a dog and his mess, it looks familiar, it smells familiar and we have claimed it as ours. We have, in a sense, made these familiar issues our friend. Our BEST friend. Ya know, the friend that’s been around for as long as you could remember, and has been there with you through everything good and bad in your life; you might even get tired of them from time to time, but you know they will always be there. Thank God, I realized, that my friend was really my foe.
I had been wearing those shackles for so long, that they were a part of me. But they became a heavy burden and had to be released when I took my eyes off of my past and started looking towards my Savior. Yes, He saved me. He only had to do it once. His blood was enough to cover everything past and present. Once you claim Jesus to be Lord over your life, you no longer have to feel comforted by the familiar spirits that kept you bound. You can shake off the heaviness and break out of the prison that you are keeping yourself in. You are a new creature, and you don’t look like that old, lonely dog anymore.
Sincerely With Love,
Jess ❤